The Concept of "People People": Why It's Bullshit, and How it is Ruining Our Lives

I don't believe in such a thing as "people people". You know, those douchebags who pretend to love nothing more than human interaction? They say that the best thing in the whole wide world is spending time with other people. Fuck those people. If you're one of them, fuck you too. Why? Because you're lying, I know it, and I hate liars.

No one is a "people person". No one in this world likes hanging around other people. Even their friends. I have friends, and they will tell you plainly: I don't hang out. We send messages over the internets, sometimes, and that's as far as it goes. Why? Because I can do it online. Doing things online is quick and easy. You can get it out of the way and then get back to the productive shit in life. If you hang out you have to fill time because no one hangs out for two minutes. Oh no, we humans have a minimum of seemingly at least an hour for hanging out. If you meet at a restaurant or bar, you're their for an hour because the service industry is full of slow ass people and it takes that long for your food and/or drinks to come to you. If you meet at your house or your friend's house, you don't want to seem like you can't stand to be there, so you stay that long to show you can endure it, and it can't be that bad.

And thusly, when you hang out you waste lots of time. All you really want to do is say hi, hear how life's been since you last met, and that's it. Realistically that takes five minutes of talking, or two of typing. I'll take two of typing. And once the two minutes are done, I'm free again to do as I please. Sure, what I please is mindless internet surfing, masturbation, and pro-wrestling, but hey, they please me and therefore, I'd like to experience them and maximize the amount of time dedicated to doing so in a given day.

I think everyone is like that on a basic level. I mean, you know, we all have different interests, but there you go: replace the internets, stroking it, and body slams with whatever you like and the above paragraph suits you. So why, then, are there persons pretending to be "people people"? Simple: it comes down to not wanting to be rude. So many of my fellow humans are utterly terrified of the thought that someone else would think them to be rude. You don't want someone to think you don't care about their BS, do you? You don't want someone thinking you have personal interests.

But why? Why do you care? You do realize, don't you, that you're going to die some day? And once that happens, you have officially run out of time to fulfill your personal wants. You have to achieve those things before you die, and you may as well use all the time you have. Anything else is a waste of life, and life's too precious a commodity to waste. You need to stop wasting time placating others. If you don't care about someone else's crap (and I know you don't care, ever. No one does because we all hate each other, if we're being totally honest), just tell them as much and then move on. With your death and that other person's death, the whole slew of people who actually care that you were callous are gone and your slight is forgotten forever. It's not so bad, really.

Now there are people living in denial who'll read this and tell themselves that I'm all wrong because they're the exception to the rule. Truth is they aren't an exception, they've just deluded themselves to an extraordinarily sad degree. Others will read this and see I'm right, and they'll take my advice. And soon, we'll live in a world almost completely devoid of human interaction, and that will be glorious. It will be quiet and it will be efficient, for no longer will we slow ourselves down with the burden of anyone else's emotional baggage.

Not even God himself could conceive a utopia such as that. After all, assuming his existence, he put us here and has been dealing with us all ever since. Poor fool ain't got time to stroke the Schlong Almighty.